Growth Thus Far: College

This blog post is being composed on the wooden desk of my college dorm. To my right is a handful of candles and sticks of incense, a plethora of stones and bones which have made their way into my home by means of delicate hands and deep pockets. These objects frame a ground-floor window, which opens to several small trees, and a collection of salal and trailing blackberries. Scattered among the duff and plants lay bird seed, which has been strewn haphazardly by the local wildlife (prominent figures being many small birds, squirrels, and a returning family of raccoons, a family which routinely attempts to break into my room under cover of darkness). To my left stretched the vast majority of my room. Artwork filled the walls, fake flowers strung along the ceiling, and tapestries and hangings draped over furniture. My attempt at making this space my own.

Tomorrow I will return to Bend, Oregon for Thanksgiving. Back to the Cascade mountains, the Deschutes river, Tumalo Creek, and valleys full of shivering lakes. Back to family, friends, and pets, hoping the number of dogs will remain the same when I return to Olympia at the end of the coming week. I don’t think I’ve gotten truly homesick up in Washington. I’m not lonely, my friends here are a part of my life practically every day, and I still text, call, and facetime with my family and friends in Bend regularly. Here, my life feels significantly fuller than it ever felt in Bend. The balance of school, work, friendships, and time just for myself feels more enriching than it ever did back at home. 

Being in college has given me the opportunity to explore everything deeper. Before, I would listen to music in my free time. Now, I’m attending small punk shows whenever I can, in a room of maybe 100 others, all listening to groups play in a dark room filled with fog, getting jostled forward and pushed back, knowing that my friends are pushed next to me, and everyone in that room would help me if I fell. Before, I would read about medicinal plants online and in any book I could find. Now, I attend a weekly herbalism apprenticeship, where we harvest and process the plants ourselves, learning about their significance, history, and uses, and making medicine out of what we find. Before, whenever I entered a forest I would ask my dad the names of the trees, shrubs, and underbrush we would pass. Last weekend, when my parents came up to visit, I was the one being asked to identify the native flora, and best of all, I was able to. 

My ability to survive and thrive in this environment surprises me most of all. Coming up to Washington, I had very little faith in my ability to function in a new state without my prior support system. Despite the near-constant encouragement of those around me, doubt in my own abilities was inevitable. But these past months have illuminated my own capabilities to me. Strong friendships, a sense of fulfillment in my class, and plans for the future that are both realistic and optimistic: three things I would have thought impossible at the beginning of September. 

In an attempt to encapsulate what I’ve learned thus far, I must return to my favorite organizational tactic, a categorical list.

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Academic Growth

Obviously, it would be impossible(or at the very least, unethical) to condense all of the content in my program into a list, but rest assured, I am learning so many wonderful, amazing things in my program this fall. 

Better ways to manage time

I began this school year the way I always do. Several journals dedicated to to-do lists, a beautiful planner, with both a calendar at a glance and several lines for writing for each day of the month, and a small blackboard on my wall, destined to be filled with reminders. However, as time went on and I got busier, the act of re-writing the same due dates, obligations, and assignments in several different spots started to feel a bit more excessive. In high school, I ended the day with a lot of time on my hands, not having much else to do besides work and school, which resulted in filling time by filling pages. Repeating the same information in many different places helped me feel like I was at least doing something, even if that something was a facade of productivity. At this time, I’ve shifted to only writing my to-dos and plans in my planner. It saves time, space, paper, and sanity.

Order of task completion

The drawing and artistic aspects of my program and coursework are the most enjoyable to complete. When I’m creating art, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing a task, but rather, partaking in an activity I very much enjoy. By completing the written and scientific aspects of assignments first, I give myself the artistic aspect to look forward to, which motivates me to complete the rest in a more timely fashion. This strategy keeps me more accountable, more efficient, and happier than I have been using other task completion orders.

Note-taking

Any of my prior teachers can attest- I love taking notes. I make a game out of writing as small as I can, squeezing as much information into the margins as I can manage. The result, in my opinion, is very aesthetically pleasing. My notes make sense to me, and I can navigate them effectively. Over time I’ve learned that the more traditional note-taking formatting many teachers encouraged throughout my high school education didn’t allow me to fully absorb the information. Instead, I was forced to focus on lettering and numbering the bullet points properly, condensing words to their simplest form, measuring the distance from the margins, and drawing straight lines. When given the freedom to take notes the way I like, I’m not only able to pay attention during the two-hour lectures, but also retain the information I record for a longer period of time.

Social Growth

Roommates

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to be on excellent terms with all of your five roommates all of the time. Dishes don’t get done, strange substances appear mysteriously on surfaces with no explanation, and labeled food inevitably disappears from the fridge without a trace. Luckily, among the squabbles, there’s also the understanding that we are all sharing the same space. I can appreciate the attempts at self-awareness and correction from the people I co-habitat with, and I hope they feel similarly towards me. We’re all still learning how to live on our own, and I feel lucky to have roommates who are for the most part kind and respectful.

Connections in Bend

From my perspective, my ability to stay connected and in touch with my connections and friendships from Bend has been fairly impressive. Coming into college I was afraid I would lose touch with the people I love and care about as things got busier. However, the reality has been completely opposite. Somehow, I’ve managed to rekindle old connections that had fizzled out, stay in touch with my friends of inconvenience in Bend, and balance new friendships in Olympia, something I would have never thought possible a few months ago.

In-class “friends of convenience”

Wally (one of my friends of inconvenience) used the term “friends of convenience” to describe the phenomenon where comradery is formed between classmates and peers purely because you see each other so often. There’s the built-in understanding that after this term is over, our friendship will stop. If we see each other walking through campus there may be a wave or friendly remark exchanged, but that is as deep as this connection goes. It can be nice to have friends of convenience, someone you can rely on for conversation and assistance in class without the commitment of continuing that conversation and assistance outside of lecture halls and lab buildings.

Friends of inconvenience

Of course, on rare occasions, a friend of convenience will become a friend of inconvenience. Someone you go out of your way to make a connection with, see outside of class, someone whose company you actively seek out. I’ve been lucky enough to meet a few people whose presence I genuinely enjoy so far, and I’m excited to meet more as the year goes by. On the flip side, having people who seem to really enjoy hanging out with me is also fairly new. In Bend, I had a handful of people who would ask to hang out every so often, but in Evergreen, I see select friends almost every single day. What’s mine becomes theirs and what’s theirs becomes mine. As I have the opportunity to spend more time with such amazing people, I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that I may not be the staunch introvert I always thought. Instead, I was a socially anxious ambivert who had yet to find a group of individuals I connected with on a degree that would warrant daily visits.

Self Growth

Change

Coming into college, I was terrified of change. The unknown was unpredictable, and that really scared me. I would be lying if I claimed I wasn’t still afraid of what changes may lay ahead, but the fear has definitely lessened. I’ve started going out of my way to try new things and have new experiences. My life has and will continue to change and shift and grow for the rest of my life, but I feel ready.

Sense of Self

The demographics of students who choose to go to Evergreen is a very unique crowd. In Bend, I often felt like an outsider or an oddball, but Evergreen is a school full of oddballs. It’s so nice feeling comfortable to be authentically myself without the worry of ridicule. I hope that feeling accepted, loved, and supported at school will grant me the courage to continue my authenticity around others for the rest of my life.

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This blog post is being concluded at the dining-room table of my childhood home back in Bend, Oregon. To my right is a big picture window opening up to a front yard sprinkled in frost and snow. Juniper tree’s peer through the glass, their papery bark overlapping in a manner that reminds me of the cedars of olympia. Birds scavenge the ground and the bird feeders for any remaining seeds, and every so often a car will drive by. The living room is warm from the old gas stove perched upon a brick rise, and my mom sits on the couch watching her shows. More family arrives in Bend tomorrow, and I’m excited to see them, and get to experience the joys of being around family, cozy in our warm house before I return to my other home in Olympia at the end of the week.